Personal Music Therapy

For those of you that follow me on twitter and Facebook, you know that my grandmother passed away recently. Even though I had prepared myself for the inevitable, her passing was still painful especially since she was my last living grandparent and she was my favorite.

As I did for both my grandfathers' services, I played my flute. My grandparents were so proud of my accomplishments, and I am so proud of my family's musical heritage.

Because of these past performances, my mother and uncle wanted my brother and I to play what we had already done once before. My grandmother was treated to an encore performance of what my brother and I had played for my paternal grandfather, and what I had played alone for my maternal grandfather. And more so than the times before, playing during my grandmother's funeral service was perhaps the most therapeutic experience I've had in my life.

My brother played on the mandolin that our paternal grandfather (a bluegrass musician himself) left him, handmade in 1997 by a local man. We chose "Amazing Grace," a simple but powerful tune that resonates so well in the hills of Southwest Virginia. Because of our lack of time and the expected yet unexpected timing of my grandmother's passing, we didn't have time to prepare anything else; however, playing with my brother, products of our family's musical influence, I could do nothing else but hug my brother when we finished.

Unlike past services, I had to play again. This time "The Lord's Prayer." I was happy to play unaccompanied because it meant I could let my emotions guide me without straying from the song's intent. Emotionally charged throughout, I was able to stay focused on the task at hand - performing to honor my grandmother's memory.

The climax was the most difficult moment of the song, as I felt a huge swell of emotion within. I was able to finish, and that moment became a lesson in resilience. No matter how low the valley, we all have enough strength to get through the toughest moments. Since I wanted to use my performances to "converse" one last time with my grandmother, I stayed aware of my family to invite them into reflection but I also stayed within myself.

Interestingly, I did not have to cope with any performance anxiety. I want to figure out why this type of emotional performance did not affect me in the same way as my other performances do. Instead, I think I played the most musically I have in quite some time and that gave me peace and helped calm the self-doubt I've been wrestling with recently. It reminded me of all the qualities that my grandmother passed on to me: strength, courage, resilience, compassion.

Moments of grief come and go, but the fact that I was able to perform not once but twice for my Nanny will comfort me for years to come. Being able to play for a relative's funeral is not easy, but the healing benefits are very important in the grieving process.

Shifting the Focus back to Expression and Creativity

I've been having a conversation on Twitter with @MazzaClarinet otherwise known as Marion Harrington, a professional clarinetist and motivational author (http://marionharringtonclarinet.com/). The conversation began as a discussion of the importance of academia on musical interpretation and the positive or negative impact it has on one's natural inclinations and this discussion has transformed into one about the sacrificing of musical expression for technical perfection.

Students that enter college to study music must take an assortment of theory and history lessons in order to develop a framework for them to become better musicians. It's critical to a student's development to have this academic education in order to return to music with a enlightened view of its structure and historical context; however, viewing music in strictly academic terms will render the music void of any expression whatsoever. I discussed this point in an earlier post (http://sensibleflutist.blogspot.com/2010/06/personality-of-musician-deeper-look.html). I would go further than I did in my previous article, and state that having a certain amount of talent paired with a solid musical education will produce a musician with a heightened sensitivity to the music.

From this, the conversation took a turn towards the question of creativity and how so many performances nowadays are technically accurate or "note perfect" but lacking in musical expression. For flutists, the current focus leans toward technical superiority and perfection. My guess is that this focus extends through all woodwinds because of the physically emcompassing requirements of playing a wind instrument. We get so wrapped up in the physical and technical side of playing the instrument that we forget why we committed ourselves to music in the first place. I certainly didn't start playing the flute because I wanted to learn to control my breathing or have fast fingers. I began playing the flute for the expressive powers and potential it holds.

I attended several masterclasses over the summer, and most of the focus was on technical aspects of flute playing. This approach is ingrained in me so much that I find it incredibly difficult to listen to beautiful flute playing without scrutinzing every detail rather than appreciating the beauty; however, by the same token, it's difficult to find recordings that give you a glimpse into the whole package. Encouraging young musicians to attend live performances is one of the most important steps we can take to shift the focus from technical playing to free and creative.

So what other ways can we start changing this focus? We're musicians with a creative urge to find solutions. We are always looking for solutions to improve and do things better. I think that flutists (and any other instrument that falls into this perfection obsessed category) should take the opportunity to listen to vocalists, pianists, and stringed instruments. Attend masterclasses for other instruments than your own - it's eye opening to see how they approach their music. Take the universal musical ideas you learn from them, and apply it within your own playing. Go to solo recitals of other instruments.

Improvisatory exercises are extremely useful when exploring the bounds of your own creative musical expression. When you take away the visual, your heighten your other senses and the music begins to become a natural, non-thinking extension of who you are. I really enjoy attending jazz concerts to see and hear the freedom of these musicians. I strive for the same freedom in my playing. As David Thomas (@DTClarinet) stated on Twitter, playing a piece of music is a "recreative" process, but also takes imagination. I think that pairing the improvisatory freedom of non-thinking with real imagination will increase your control over a piece of music and bring out expressive qualities in your playing that will engage your audience in a real-time narrative.

The beauty of music lies in its ability to engage the entire realm of human emotion, and express happiness, sorrow, anger, tell a narrative or paint a picture. By engaging the self through creative and imaginative self-exploration, we break the mold and become free-thinking, musical individuals.

The Personality of a Musician - A Deeper Look

“Being academically and musically correct, yet having a distinct personality is the goal. Difficult, but possible. Too many lose the personality.”

The other day, one of my former teachers Patricia George with whom I studied with in the summer of 2002 at the Sewanee Summer Music Festival and again in 2003 at a masterclass, posted on Facebook the very succinct and accurate statement above. The general consensus from the responses to this statement was one of teaching students to think for themselves, to make their own choices before letting another’s influence them. I interpreted this more deeply: you cannot strike your own way as a musician unless you have personality. You have to have the confidence and courage to make your own way.

Without education, there is no chance of success as a classical musician. There is continuous discussion on whether one has “it” and whether that increases their chances for success. As someone who has worked really hard to become a flute player and a musician, I don’t think I have “it” but those of us less fortunate but still have talent can still find our personality and make smart choices in the music we share.

Personality will make you stand out from the crowd. There are SO many flute players in today’s world with the same dreams that finding a niche is essential. For some, it seems to happen overnight and for others, it takes years. To make that niche-finding process easier, not worrying about what others think and owning the music will help get you there faster.

One of the thoughts I’ve had about regarding my own playing is how I tend to lose myself when attempting to perform under the auspices of a teacher’s interpretation. I’ve studied with wonderful teachers, and their playing inspires me; however, I have to be confident of my abilities in the here and now to play with those influences while adding my own flair. How liberating would the experience be if you injected your own personality into the music and play freely? This is the exact reason we all go to college as music majors. Knowledge is power, and that knowledge frees us to play musically. Musical playing is not often heard among us flute players, and that philosophical point is a topic for another day.

Great teachers prepare their students to find and develop their own personality that will lead to future success. Approach the flute with a good, mindful work ethic and musicality will fall into place. I think Mrs. George’s statement falls into the realm of social commentary. Within the public schools, so much emphasis is placed on standardized testing that today’s young students are not able to think for themselves and explore what interests them in the name of bureaucratic “standards.” Developing a musical personality draws upon what you know and have experienced. Take chances and if you turn out to be wrong, accept your mistake and move on. We are human, we make mistakes, but the successful musician will learn from those mistakes and become successful.

While I’m taking my break between degrees, I’m learning things in my own research and exploration that I wouldn’t have grasped if I had immediately entered grad school. My intent during my undergraduate years was to learn, to become better, and to utilize my knowledge and experience as a budding professional musician. Musicians are a highly educated group of people, but how many have personality? To be musical, you must be personally committed and totally convinced of your skills. Forget the technical aspects, just play and let your personality shine through.