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Hitting the wall

The Sensible Flutist: Hitting the wall

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Hitting the wall


I practiced last night. I had several wonderful moments where I felt like I knew what I was doing.

But my practicing ended on an ugly, frustrated note. I spent most of my time on tone work so I could explore Body Mapping principles, using my ball, using my pneumo pro to incorporate some more work into my playing.

It backfired.

Music is the goal of everything I do. I ended up frustrated with myself because the exploration became a study in concentrating and scanning. Instead of freely playing, I began concerning myself with organizing my movement which is still a concept I'm struggling with. I'm still struggling with finding balance and trying to hold it because I'm scared I'll lose it.

The moments of absolute freedom and musicality make my journey worthwhile and exhilarating. But it's these moments of frustration that bring the fighter out in me. Already, I feel a desire to pull my flute back out and try again. I refuse to give up.

I'll bottle that desire up and try again tomorrow. We all feel like this. It's how we choose to deal with it that matters. Honestly, I sat down, put my face in my hands and cried a little. But I got over it. I'm not performing tomorrow. I'm simply giving myself the time I need to make changes in my playing that will let the music shine through. Explore and challenge yourself to grow.

I simply gave myself permission to fail. I wasn't successful last night but I'm one step closer.

*photo courtesy of daarkeaagejeethai.blogspot.com

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2 Comments:

At January 23, 2012 at 7:04 PM , Blogger Patrick Smith said...

And one step at a time is how we grow. Frustrating as that so often is. Fail often, just keep picking up your flute.

 
At January 24, 2012 at 1:14 AM , Anonymous Sam said...

Indeed. I have spent enough time learning instruments now to know this is how it is. My tuba practice can be frustrating sometimes. After a point I just put it down and come back to it the following day...

All the best with it.

 

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